Starting Again

I’m on a dating site that has decided to tell me what I should be writing to my potential datees. Rather than come up with a new opening line for each person I want to ‘like’ I have a collection of what I think are probing questions. Not overly personal but general conversation starters. I’m playing a numbers game here – I hit four or five likes each weekend – ask the same question – and see who responds. And how.

For instance, when people list ‘Reading’ as one of their past-times, I am clearly curious about what they are reading: the NY Times, The Guardian, Louise Penny, Alison Bechdel, David Whitehouse, porn, The Onion, the cereal box, your daughter’s diary? Seems like an excellent intro question, and if you have tagged yourself as a ‘reader’ it’s a straightforward but revealing question.

Or if you state you’re ‘outdoorsy’, I often ask ‘what did you do outdoors this weekend’? I went on an 8-mile hike in the mud with a great group of strangers, some of who may become friends. If ‘outdoorsy’ for you is sitting on the patio, drinking beer and reading porn, yes, you’re ourdoors and you’re reading, but we’re on different wavelengths.

So my dating site telling me I need to come up with a ‘unique’ question for each person I may or may not be interested in, makes me feel as if my interactions with these individuals are being policed by the dating site itself. I’ll continue to ask my standard questions, with a word or two changed, to avoid the dating site telling me ‘don’t copy and paste’, but I am wondering if the ‘don’t copy and paste’ rule means something else entirely.